


Christmas Day

by AngstyBunBun



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Jealousy, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstyBunBun/pseuds/AngstyBunBun
Summary: Junhee lies about going home to make his members not worry over a Christmas break, it doesn't go as planned but after some run around it's a good thing
Relationships: Lee Donghun/Park Junhee | Jun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Christmas Day

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter @/AngstyBunBun  
> Dyslexic please excuse errors  
> Enjoy a Christmas fic I desperately tried to finish in time and have a good holiday whatever you celebrate

Junhee loved Christmas, growing up he would have people would argue that he shouldn’t because he’s an atheist or that he just wanted presents. That wasn’t it, Junhee loved being with his family without anyone having anywhere to go, and now that he had debuted with A.C.E he loved having their mini Christmas with them as he loved them like family. Well most of them, he had decidedly not familial thoughts about their oldest member. This year was going to be different, all the members were going home like normal, except Junhee’s father had called there was a family emergency and they wouldn’t be home for Christmas so Junhee couldn’t come home. Not wanting to make anyone worried he told his dad he would be fine and lied to his members that he was just leaving a day later than the rest because of a plan change. The original plan was they would have lunch together, drive Yuchan to the airport then Sehyoon and Junhee would be dropped off at the train station, then Donghun would head home with Byeongkwan and load their bags in the company car Donghun was borrowing then Donghun would drop Byeongkwan off at his parents before driving to his family's home. Junhee reasoned he would probably be crying a lot the week they were all gone because he really hated being alone but he would be fine once he knew they were all coming home. 

  
  


“Do you want me to delay my leaving for a day, Jun-ah?” Donghun asked while packing his bag. Junhee was flopped in Donghun’s bed, thinking how he was sometimes so sweet and that made it hard to not just grab his face and kiss him especially when he was so far in the closet that Mr. Thumnus didn’t even know he was gay and he constantly thought he was prepared to risk it all of Donghun. 

“No? Why would I?” Junhee rolled onto his stomach, watching Donghun still as much as possible without being weird. 

“So you aren’t left alone,” Donghun smiled, zipping his bag, then he went and pulled Junhee off the bed and to his feet. “Come on, time for lunch.”

“Noooo I was comfy~” Junhee whined but followed Donghun, “And I will survive a day alone, I’m not that needy”

“Liar, you hate being alone so much” Donghun looked at him, eyes searching his face, “I’m driving home so I can wait a day” 

“Hyung seriously. Everyone has offered, I will be fine, I don’t want anyone of you to change your plans just because mine changed” 

“We are just worried about you Junnie” Sehyoon’s voice made Junhee jump a little. He took a breath to calm his heart.

“I know that, Hyung. But I’m fine you don’t need to worry” Junhee smiled “I will survive a day alone” 

“If you are sure…” Donghun mumbled still looking worried 

“I am Hyungie, I will be okay I promise.”

Yuchan left almost immediately after lunch, Junhee still rode along for the drop offs. The whole group demanded texts upon safe landing and arrival at his family home as Yuchan got his bags. Donghun drove to the train station to drop Sehyoon, similar demands were made for him as he left. Then Donghun drove the remaining members back to the dorm and started loading his bags, he gave Junhee a hug then went to help Byeongkwan load his bags. Byeongkwan also gave Junhee a hug before the pair left together, promising to text when they got to their respective homes. Junhee knew after a few times of almost getting caught during _personal_ times that he needed to wait for them all to confirm they were at their respective homes before he went to cry about being alone over Christmas. He did know that if he had said anything they members would have either tried to stay home or invited him to stay with their families. Junhee didn’t want to be a burden on them or their families, he might cry a lot over the week he was alone but he would be fine. The text came in slowly but surely. First was Byeongkwan, then Yuchan, then Sehyoon then finally Donghun. Once Junhee was satisfied having all the text he sat hugging a pillow and started crying. Junhee cried for about 10 minutes, before he went to the other members room, he threw he was being weird as he collected sweaters. He always liked to smell the members, it was weirdly comforting and they all had unique smells. Then he got on his secondary vlive account and went to their page and started playing a voice only live from Donghun, for extra comfort. 

Donghun felt something was wrong in his gut, he messaged the other members in their second group chat they had made excluding Junhee to tease him (X No Leaders Allowed X) to see if anyone else was nervous something was wrong or off with him. Sehyoon said he thought Junhee was hiding something but it might just be a gift for them. Byeongkwan agreed. Yuchan, however, said he was also worried. When pressed for more information Yuchan said he couldn’t explain it he was just sure something had been wrong. Donghun sighed looking at his phone, he knew if he tried to ask Junhee he wouldn’t get an answer. Donghun tried to spend the time with his family and not worry. They would share pictures with their families, any pets and just of themselves. Junhee usually participated in these picture sharings a lot, but he only sent a couple pictures of his dogs. Donghun felt the worry growing more as Junhee wasn’t answering the chat as often as he normally does. If he messaged Junhee privately he would only get short responses. 

  
  


Christmas Eve Junhee was out shopping for some stuff when Byeongkwan showed up at the dorm with his mom to grab a present he had forgotten, when he ran in he stopped looking confused at the stuff that was left out, he knew they had cleaned before they left, he slowly went into his and Junhee’s shared room. Byeongkwan took a picture of Junhee’s laptop on his unmade bed, grabbed the present from under his bed then went to the bathroom and looked in. His suspicion was right as there was a used towel on the rack and Junhee’s skin care products on the sink, Byeongkwan took another picture of that stuff then headed out to the car, he was going to send them right away but his house was in mild chaos to prepare for the holiday and he forgot until he was going to bed. Junhee had been home and was making his food for the next day texting the members that he missed them, it wasn’t suspicious because he was a big old sap. Seeing that text made Byeongkwan remember the pictures, he sent the pictures in the chat without Junhee saying he needed to stop by the dorm for something he left there and saw all this. At that point though everyone had responded to Junhee and were busy themselves they couldn’t really look at their phones. Junhee ate alone and watched the Christmas movie he always watched his family on Christmas Eve, mostly just cried through it. He went to his bed after the movie and he was so emotionally vulnerable he almost called Donghun but he stopped himself. The whole point of him being alone was to not have the members worried about him, he just had to make it a couple days before Donghun would be home. Donghun was coming home first, then 2 days later Sehyoon and Yuchan, Byeongkwan would be home last. 

  
  


Christmas morning Donghun spent time with his family, mostly trying to convince his brother to give him Hae. He finally checked messages a little after noon, first responding to the Christmas wishes in the A.C.E chat, then he finally opened the chat without Junhee and felt his stomach sink seeing the evidence of Junhee still being home. Donghun chewed his lip then decided to message Junhee’s dad just a simple Christmas wish and to ask him to have Junhee message him. As he expected Junhee’s dad said he wasn’t with Junhee as they weren’t able to meet up, he asked why Junhee hadn’t told them. Donghun told him he must have forgotten and apologized for bothering him. He hadn’t realized how focused he had been on his phone until his mother called to him, “Dongdongie who are you texting? You look worried?”

“I was texting the group...but Junhee is home alone at the dorm and-”

“Why is he home alone?” His mother looked worried and his brother cuffed him on the head.

“Why didn’t you bring him here if he wasn’t going to his family? I thought he was one of your best friends?” His brother scolded 

"You know I adore him he could have come!" His mom scolded, his dad nodded in agreement.

“I didn’t know! He just told us he was heading home a day after we left because a plan change Kwannie went home yesterday to grab something he left… He sent pictures of like...stuff being out to show Junnie was still home. So I messaged his dad and his dad said Junhee wasn’t with them and…” Donghun trailed off looking at his phone “That means he’s been home alone for like 5 days. He’s probably so upset and-”

“Then go to him,” His dad shrugged “We aren’t doing anything else tonight. Go make sure your Junnie is okay”

“But-”

“No buts, go it’s fine we will see you soon” His mom smiled. Donghun nodded and went up to his room to pack, his brother came up to help him. 

“I want to know something,” his brother said, folding some of Donghun’s clothes, Donghun hummed to show he was listening “Would you be going home for anyone else?”

“What?” Donghun head snapped up

“If it was Sehyoon, would you be leaving?” 

“Of course I would!” Donghun lied, but his brother thankfully believed him. Donghun finished packing and went to load his car then ran back in to give everyone hugs goodbye, and maybe try to steal Hae (unsuccessfully). 

  
  


Junhee had talked to his family early in the morning and was happy to know the emergency had been solved and everyone was okay. Then he messaged his group to wish them a happy Christmas with a disgusting amount of heart emojis and stickers, he ate lunch then turned his phone on silent and went to bed early. He was going to wake up later at night and tell everyone he was going home early because his dad had work to do that way him being home wouldn’t be suspicious. Junhee had no idea that the other members knew he was home alone, he hadn’t even considered the possibility of Byeongkwan figuring it out. Donghun had messaged the others in the no leader chat to not say anything as he was going home then. Donghun pulled up to the dorms at 6pm and got out, not bothering to get his bags as he ran inside. Donghun found Junhee sleeping hugging a pillow and sweaters with very obvious signs of crying, he sighed and went over to the bed to wake Junhee when Junhee spoke, slow and slurred obviously still asleep “Donghun…” Donghun froze his hand an inch from Junhee’s hair, Junhee did sometimes have bouts of sleep talking and a couple times sleepwalking, usually that was just him getting in someone else's bed and mumbling about some monster he was protecting them from before passing back out. Donghun did find it weird because Junhee’s eyes would be open but just blank. Suddenly Junhee sat up and the blank eyes were evident as he mumbled looking around then he did seem to fixate on Donghun who was still frozen, Junhee smiled and hugged him “My Christmas wish came true…” Junhee mumbled into his shoulder then leaned back, Donghun was about to ask what he was talking about bemused at the sleep talking when Junhee kissed him. The kiss was soft and gentle barely lasting 2 seconds before he broke the kiss and smiled “My Donghun...love you…” and with that he promptly fell back into his bed, snoring softly. Donghun sat there eyes wide in shock. Donghun left the room and went out to get his bags. His mind was racing. Did Junhee actually love him? Was it just a weird dream? Was it something that would have happened no matter who came home? Donghun didn’t want it to be the last one, the idea of Junhee just kissing any member in his sleep upset him. Donghun had never really considered sexuality for himself, he just liked who he liked, a couple times it had been guys, others it had been girls, he dated couple people who were non binary or gender fluid, he didn’t care about the gender of his partner at all as long as there were feelings. He did however think about Junhee, a lot. He liked Junhee, a lot, and now after the small kiss he really, _really_ , wanted to kiss him again and more than just a soft little peck. Junhee was still asleep when he came back inside, Donghun wasn’t sure what to do about the kiss but he wanted to let Junhee know he was home. So he went back to his room and started carding his fingers through the sleeping boy's hair, earning a contented sigh but no signs of waking.

“Junhee, wake up,” Donghun said gently. Junhee whined at the talking and buried his face into his pillow and the sweaters “Wake up, come on let’s make dinner together.” Donghun smiled softly watching him. Junhee whined and opened his eyes. He blinked sleepily for a second then scrambled back on his bed.

“Hyung- I- You-” he stammered

“Junhee, why didn’t you tell anyone you were going to be here alone? Why did you lie to us?” Donghun asked, watching him “You could have come to visit my family. You know my mom loves you…”

“I didn’t want to be a burden and besides I was fine” Junhee tried to lie, his voice cracked on the last word and his eyes filled with tears. Donghun sighed softly and pulled Junhee into his arms, “I’m sorry… I just wanted you all to have fun…”

“Junhee we don’t want you to be left out, especially on a day like this” Donghun murmured “Please don’t cry anymore baby, it’s okay. I got you.” Junhee clung to him tightly, calming down.

“Why are you back?” Junhee mumbled against his shoulder.

“Byeongkwan stopped by and saw things that led him to believe you were still here so I messaged your dad to ask him to have you message me and he said you weren’t with him…”

“So you left your family?!” Junhee pulled back tearing up again looking up at him worried

“No, they kicked me out because like I said my mom loves you, I think more than me honestly” Donghun smiled, Junhee chuckled a little and nodded and cuddled closer 

“Oh… okay I’m sorry I caused problems” Junhee murmured 

“You aren’t causing problems baby, come on let’s go eat”

“Baby?” Junhee pouted “I’m not the baby, that’s Yuchannie” 

“He’s not here and you are absolutely a baby” Donghun laughed lightly. _My baby,_ he thought holding Junhee closer to his chest. Junhee hummed cuddling into his chest, “Don’t get comfy we need to eat”

“But I want to cuddle and sleep more!” Junhee whined and nuzzled his face into Donghun’s chest.

“Baby, eat with me. Come on, Sweetie. We can eat then cuddle okay?”

“Fine, let’s eat then”

“What should we eat?” 

“Let just have kimchi fried rice, I think we have everything for that” 

“Sure, that’s fine baby. Come on, let’s go to the kitchen then” Donghun stood and pulled Junhee to his feet and walked to the kitchen. Junhee followed him and went around to get everything they needed to cook their dinner.

“So does everyone know I’ve been home the whole time?” 

“Yeah, I told the others I was coming and they could stay with their families. So we get to stay together just us, for the first time in a while. It’ll be fun”

“Yeah it will be, we haven’t hung out in so long like this” Junhee smiled starting to cook “It’s nice being the five of us though”

“Our little family” Donghun smiled softly “I do worry that one day everyone will leave and I’ll be alone...It’s weird I’ve been with you guys for such a short part of my life but imagining life without you is awful” 

“You are such a sap. We aren’t ever going to leave you Donghun. We are a family” Junhee nudged him focusing on the cooking. Donghun smiled softly watching Junhee cooking.

“I know but I still worry” Donghun hummed while helping Junhee “You know me, I always worry about these kinds of things.”

“You shouldn’t, but you do. We all love you” Junhee said, finishing the food and taking it to their table sitting on the floor while Donghun brought plates and drinks for them. Junhee flashed him a bright smile. Donghun sat next giving him a plate and setting the coke and cups on the table, Junhee whined saying he wanted soju too. Donghun could have scolded him about whining to a hyung to get him stuff but he was weak for the leader so he got up and went to grab the soju, he grabbed the four flavors: strawberry, peach, grapefruit and green apple. He grabbed a couple shot glasses and went back to Junhee who was flipping through TV channels for something to watch. “Hyungie what should we watch?”

“Hm well we could watch Christmas movies or we could watch a drama,” Donghun sat by Junhee and smiled “It’s really up to you”

“Well let’s watch a drama” Junhee hummed flicking through the options “Goblin?”

“Sure, that works for me” Donghun smiled as Junhee turned to show on. Donghun got some food and Junhee poured them shots, it really was just a waste of dishes since they both would end up drinking straight from the bottles after only a few shots. They ate and Junhee made comments about the show and compared it to their research they had done for their Favorite Boys comeback. Donghun listened to him with a small smile on his face, he always thought it was adorable when Junhee got into his moods and would go on his little tangents. Donghun reached out and stroked his hair listening to him ranting about what else they could have done with this concept. “You’re adorable”

“I am not…” Junhee pouted grabbing a bottle of soju and taking a long swig, his cheeks were already flushed from drinking. Donghun’s face was as well, he just smiled and stroked Junhee’s cheek.

“You are so drunk,” Donghun laughed, pulling Junhee into a hug. Junhee grumbled but hugged him back mumbling that Donghun was also drunk. Donghun nodded holding him close, he enjoyed how Junhee just seemed to fit in his arms like this, the way Junhee’s head always tucked so nicely under his jaw. Junhee clung to him tightly nuzzling his face into Donghun’s neck, Donghun closed his eyes relaxing leaning back on the couch. “We can get on the couch if you're done eating, you know?”

“But then we would have to move and I am so tired and comfy” Junhee clings tighter, squeezing Donghun’s waist tight enough he winced slightly but chuckled and rubbed his back.

“Let’s not sleep yet,” Donghun pressed his face into Junhee’s hair “Go take a shower, I’m gonna set something up for you, a little surprise. Then we can go to get some sleep okay?” Donghun smiled. Junhee whined but detangled himself from Donghun grabbing a bottle of soju and finishing off before going to the shower. Donghun watched him go waiting till the shower started before he went to his room to get some presents. Donghun had bought each member 2 small presents and one big one, and his parents had bought something for everyone, he grabbed the 2 small presents and the one from his parents and brought them out to the small tree setting them up under in then turning on the lights, it wasn’t a lot but it was just enough to hopefully make Junhee happy even if he wasn’t home to get presents. Junhee finished his shower and went to his room to get dressed. Donghun held his breath waiting for Junhee to come back out. 

“Okay what is the small surpri-” Junhee trailed off walking in the living room then staring at the tree, his eyes filling with tears. Donghun’s stomach dropped, he hadn’t expected to make Junhee cry.

“Junnie, I- I’m sorry I wanted to give you a small Christmas, I thought it might be nice. I didn’t-” Donghun was cut off by Junhee hugging him mumbling a tearful thank you into Donghun’s shoulder. Donghun held him, rubbing his back still worried. “Why are you crying baby? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing I’m just...happy” Junhee mumbled “You’re the best…”

“It’s not much, just a couple from me and one from my parents but I figured you could open some presents today” Donghun mumbled sheepishly smiling. Junhee pressed a kiss on his cheek, Donghun was glad his face was already red from drinking. Junhee told him to wait and ran to his room then came back with a wrapped present which he put by the tree then grabbed Donghun’s hand and pulled him over so they sat by it. “Here open the one from my parents first” Donghun handed Junhee the biggest box, he wasn’t even sure what was in it. Junhee rubbed his eyes then took a deep breath then smiled and started unwrapping. Donghun watched him smiling, the gift was a big warm looking striped sweater. Junhee smiled brightly and put it on, Donghun took pictures of him and sent a couple to his mom to tell her Junhee loved it. Junhee grabbed one of Donghun’s gifts to him while he was texting and opened it. Donghun glanced up to see Junhee staring at the gift confused smile on his face as he held the ring. Junhee looked up at him with a perplexed expression. “I got one for everyone, they are engraved on the inside…” Donghun explained. Junhee looked at him then tilted the ring to look at it.

“Set to be a hero…” Junhee murmured then turned it a little, “Leader…” Junhee’s face split into a wide smile and he reached over to hug him “I love it hyung!” 

“I’m glad,” Donghun hugged him, he pressed a kiss on his cheek. Junhee smiled and sat back then gave Donghun his present, “Junnie I don’t need anything today-”

“It’s not fun if I’m the only one opening!” Junhee crossed his arms “You have to open one!” Donghun laughed lightly holding his hands up in surrender. Then he picked up the present and very carefully opened the gift, purposefully taking his time to get the tape off solely to annoy Junhee, “Hyung! Just rip it off!”

“But I want to be careful” Donghun laughed and says “I want to make sure I don’t damage anything”

“It isn’t fragile!” Junhee whined but was smiling softly. Donghun finally tore the rest of the wrapping paper off, inside the small gift was a hard covered notebook with a fancy script on the cover reading ‘A.C.E precious eldest Lee Donghun: Lyrics’. Donghun ran a finger over the cover and looked up at Junhee who was sitting with a nervous smile. “I wanted to get you something you could carry with you and write lyrics in if you weren’t able to use your computer and I had the option to personalize the cover so I did and it’s probably stupid but I just thought-”

“I love it, Junhee. It’s sweet, I don’t think anyone but you would come up with something like this” Donghun hugged the notebook to his chest “Although it’s so precious I won’t ever want to use it because I’m worried to ruin it” Donghun smiled.

“You have to use it! Please?” Junhee pouted and Donghun nodded then gestured to the last gift. Junhee smiled and grabbed it. “Is it fragile?”

“Nope you can tear into like an animal” Donghun laughed as Junhee ripped the package open and pulled out the little girl panda from the set he had. Junhee looked at it then at Donghun and then started giggling 

“You really got me the last panda in the family? You’re so cute” Junhee smiled at him “I love it” 

“You better it was very hard to just find the little one and not the whole set.” Donghun chuckled. Junhee dove across to hug him, smiling brightly at him after knocking him on the ground.

“Best hyungie ever” Junhee smiled then put his head on his chest “Can I sleep in your bed tonight? I’ve missed cuddling with people”

“Yeah of course you can” Donghun murmured trying to keep his heart from racing. He was curious if Junhee would kiss him again. Junhee didn’t make any moves to get up and continued to lay on Donghun until the older boy pushed him off and told him to go to the bed while he cleaned up. Junhee tried to help but just got shooed away to the bedroom, which Junhee reluctantly went to. Junhee flopped into Donghun’s bed to wait for him, sighing loudly to make his point known. “I will be there in a minute you impatient baby” Donghun laughed, throwing the last of the wrapping paper away and sending a message to the no leader group to let them know Junhee was okay. Donghun went to the bed and laid next to Junhee, who instantly curled up as close as possible to Donghun. Donghun began carding his fingers through his hair gently and smiled, “You are very lucky I also like cuddling you know that?” 

“If you didn’t Channie does” Junhee smiled tilting his face up to look at Donghun. 

“Channie likes being cuddled, so do you. I’m fine with giving cuddles or getting cuddles, Sehyoon just lets everyone do whatever they want. Your best bet besides me is Kwannie” Donghun laughed lightly, poking Junhee’s nose. “But I’m the best bet because I like cuddles the most” 

“Ah yes of course, that is the only criteria for cuddles. Who likes it the most.”

“Yes of course what else could possibly matter other than that?”

“Comfort? Cuddlablity?”

“I’m the best for both of those too”

“Oh are you?”

“Yes, now hush and sleep” Donghun covered Junhee’s face with his hand. Junhee laughed and pushed his hand away before resting his head on Donghun’s chest. Donghun went back to petting his hair and smiling softly. “I hope it was an okay Chirstmas despite all the issues”

“It was great, I still miss my family but… I have you and that’s enough” Junhee murmured into Donghun’s chest. Donghun wiggled until he was in a comfortable position and then closed his eyes, he heard Junhee’s breathing even out first as he fell asleep. Junhee wasn’t usually the first to fall asleep so Donghun wondered how much he hadn’t been sleeping or just how tired being sad about being alone had made him, but he didn’t have long to dwell on that before he was lulled to sleep by Junhee’s breathing and his warm body pressed against him. 

  
  


_Junhee was running, he wasn’t sure where he was or exactly where he was going but he knew he wanted to get to Donghun. Donghun, who was in his sight but no matter how fast he ran he couldn’t get closer. He cried out for him desperately and the older boy turned to look at him, his face was cold, not the usual warm look Junhee got when they were alone. Junhee tried to run faster, his lungs burned but he only cared about getting to Donghun, it would be okay if he could just get to Donghun. Then something grabbed him, Junhee screamed and tried to fight it off yelling for Donghun who just watched him seemingly uncaring. Junhee kept fighting and screaming until a voice spoke in his ear “You really think he would love you? Why would he? What makes you think you deserve him?”_

_“I love him...he could love me…” Junhee’s will to fight got weaker, he looked at Donghun who was close now, still out of reach but closer than Junhee had been able to get to him. “Hyung help me!” Junhee tried to reach out for him but whatever was holding him stopped him._

_“He won’t help you. Why would he help you? When he knows you love him? He wouldn’t want to help you, he hates you.” The voice whispered. Junhee shook his head and tried even harder to get away._

_“He doesn’t, he-”_

_“Yes I do.” Donghun’s voice was cold. Junhee froze and looked at him “Of course I hate you. You are a nag, and needy. And you think I would ever love you? Don’t be ridiculous Junhee. I barely tolerate you for the group”_

_“Hyung…”_

_“I will never love you. You don’t deserve that, just shows how spoiled you are if you think you do.” Donghun glared. Junhee felt tears running down his cheeks. He shook his head and tired to speak, but then he heard someone calling his name from a distance._

“Junhee!” Donghun yelled shaking him, Junhee jerked awake breathing heavy and shaking, tears running down his cheeks as he sat up looking around the dark room “Jun-”

“I’m sorry...please don’t hate me. I don’t expect anything. I just...please don’t hate me” Junhee cried. Donghun stared at him, confused and concerned. 

“I don’t hate you, Junhee. Baby you just had a nightmare, it wasn’t real. It-”

“It was right...I know it was…” Junhee tried to get out of the bed. Donghun grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“I guarantee it wasn’t right, whatever your nightmare was about it can’t have been right I could never hate you”

“You can...you will…” Junhee mumbled pulling his arm away and standing up heading to the door 

“Junhee! Please just talk to me, I promise I won’t hate you”

“You won’t hate me if you don’t know and I don’t...I don’t need you to know” 

“Jun-”

“I can be happy even if you don’t know, you don’t need to know it’s not a big deal”

“Junhee. Tell me what the hell is going on right now. You never avoid it like this, you always tell me about your nightmares. Tell me what’s wrong” 

“You’ll hate me…”

“I will not. Now tell me.” Donghun went and blocked the door “You can leave when you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I…” Junhee then looked down “I love you”

“I know that, but that doesn’t mean you get out of telling me”

“No! I am telling you I love you! I’m in love with you!” 

“Oh… Oh, um… uh” Donghun stammered as Junhee’s eyes filled with tears. Junhee looked down and started to push past him. “I love you too” Donghun said quickly but Junhee shook his head.

“No you don’t, you wouldn’t love me and-”

“Is that what your nightmare was about?” Donghun looks at him concerned. Junhee nodded and looked like he was about to talk again but Donghun was quicker, “Junhee. I’m not lying to you, I’m in love with you. It’s good to know it’s mutual. Especially after you kissed me” Donghun had a little smirk as Junhee looked at him confused.

“I kiss your cheek all time why would it mean-”

“No, you kissed me on the lips when I got home” 

“I did not!” 

“You did. I mean you were asleep but I went to wake you up when I got home, and you said my name. Your sleep talking is always funny so I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted to hear what you would say,” Junhee stared at Donghun as he talked. Junhee felt himself turning red remembering the dream he was having before Donghun woke him up “You sat up, smiled at me then hugged me and said that your Chirstmas wish came true. I was going to ask what you meant then you kissed me. Then said and I quote ‘My Donghun...love you…’ and passed back out”

“Oh...I didn’t remember that. Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Well I was worried that it might have been something that happened with anyone who came home… But since it wasn’t that… Can I kiss you?” Junhee nodded slowly, staring at Donghun in disbelief. Donghun stepped closer and cups his jaw. “Use your words, baby” 

“Yes, please” Junhee murmured tilting his face close to Donghun’s. Donghun smiled then kissed him softly holding his jaw. Donghun held him close, the kiss was soft and gentle, neither of them wanting to go further just yet only wanting to enjoy the soft little moment they’ve created for as long as possible. Junhee was the first to break the kiss, he didn’t move far back, eyes searching Donghun’s face. Donghun smiled softly his thumb stroking over Junhee’s cheekbone “That...that was nice” Junhee mumbled

“Yeah, it was”

“Are we...um do you want to...uh”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend Junhee?” Donghun asked with a chuckle. Junhee nodded his cheeks red but he smiled wide. “Good”

“That means our anniversary will be Chirstmas day” Junhee smiled leaning his face more into Donghun’s palm. Donghun glanced at his phone then shook his head.

“It’s 2am, our anniversary is December 26th” Donghun smiled, Junhee whined then pouted thinking.

“But I wanted it to be Chirstmas, we can lie”

“No, I won’t lie. We can break up until next Christmas if it’s that important…”

“No because you won’t kiss me again if we do that” 

“You are right, or you can not be a little bratty baby and realize that you now get an extra day where I will spoil you” Donghun smiled poking his nose. Junhee thought for a moment then nodded and kissed him again quickly.

“Should we wait to tell the members?” Junhee asked looking at him, Donghun thinks then starts kissing all over Junhee’s face making him giggle.

“No, we should tell them so I can kiss you whenever I want” Donghun punctuatating each word with a kiss. Junhee giggled and nodded, kissing him softly “How should we tell them?”

“Video call?” Junhee shrugged “Maybe not at 2am, let’s go back to sleep” Junhee pulled Donghun back to his bed. “Hopefully I will stop having these nightmares now…”

“You’ve had them before?” 

“Yeah...a couple times I usually to just sit in my bed after them cause I couldn’t tell you about them” Junhee flopped in the bed and pulled Donghun with him “Luckily Kwannie is a heavy sleeper cause I cried a couple times”

“Baby…” Donghun pulled Junhee to his chest “I’m sorry” 

“It’s okay you’re here now, and you love me and everything is okay.” Junhee kissed him “Now let’s sleep” Donghun nodded and held him close. Junhee snuggled back into his spot on Donghun’s chest, closing his eyes. 

  
  


The next time Junhee woke the sun was lighting up the room, Donghun was still sleeping. Junhee left his head on Donghun’s chest, listening to his heart softly thumping in his chest as he slept. Donghun woke not too long after Junhee and groaned slightly. Junhee just smiled and looked up at him. Donghun looked at him then rubbed his back mumbling a good morning. Junhee gave a smile and asked him what he wanted for breakfast, Donghun said he just wanted cereal since it was simple. Junhee started to get up but Donghun pulled him back down and demanded a kiss, Junhee laughed lighty then leaned up to kiss him. Donghun wrapped his arms around him pulling him closer, dragging the kiss out until Junhee pushed away lightly while laughing. “I wasn’t done with my kisses,” Donghun tried to pull him back down onto his chest. Junhee stood shaking his head.

“We need to eat and call the members then maybe we can make out… Maybe. But eating and calling first.”

“Yes sir, leader nim” Donghun teased. Junhee threw his slipper at him, Donghun caught it laughing then got up to follow Junhee to the kitchen. Junhee got out the bowls for the cereal, but stopped smiling softly feeling Donghun’s arms wrapping around his waist pressing a small kiss on his shoulder “What should we do today?” Donghun murmured into his shoulder.

“Not sure, let’s see how calling the others goes before we make plans; we need to eat first” Junhee turned in Donghun’s arms to press a light kiss on his lips “Let’s go sit now”

“You are so stingy with kisses” Donghun pouted letting him go and grabbing the cereal and milk while Junhee grabbed bowls and spoons. They went to the living room where Donghun grabbed a remote to start flipping through the channels to put on the first show that came up so they would have something to watch while they ate. Junhee sent a message in the group to ask if everyone could be available for a group video call in an hour, which everyone agreed to do. Junhee was nervous, as of that day the only person who knew he wasn’t straight was Donghun, and now he was going to come out to his members. It was making him feel kind of nauseous, Donghun seemed to take notice as he reached over to stroke his hair gently “What’s wrong, Junnie?” 

“You’re the only person who knows I’m gay,” Junhee mumbled “Not even my family knows… I’ve always been scared...of the stigma and the-”

“We don’t have to tell them. If you aren’t ready, I can keep it it a secret for you”

“I want to! I’m just… nervous, you know? Like I know they won’t hate us or think we are gross but… it’s scary” 

“It’s okay to be scared. This is a big deal, especially when you’ve never told anyone which… technically you didn’t even tell me, just confessed your feelings… It’s not really the same as looking at 3 of your closest friends and saying ‘I’m gay’. I love you, and I’m here for you. I won’t let anyone hurt you, ever.”

“You can’t protect me from everything, Hyung”

“I can try. Now are you sure you want to tell the others? I’ve told Sehni that I wasn’t straight, I think Kwannie knows because he came into a room while I was talking with my brother about an ex boyfriend. Channie I don’t think knows… My family knows but I dont’ need to be public, this is your decision, okay? I’m fine with anything you decide okay?”

“I want to tell them… Only them for now, and tell them to not tell their families so no one accidentally tells my family”

“Okay, we can do that”

“I’m sorry, I’m not ashamed of you… I will try to be ready to come out to my family soon…” 

“Don’t apologize. There’s no rush, Baby. Take your time”

“I’m not even worried they will hate me… It’s just… I don’t know…. It’s like, I don’t want my parent’s to be disappointed in me or something? Like they always talked about me getting a nice wife one day and I then I started saying I didn’t want to get married and they are fine with that they said they just wanted me to be happy… I’m just scared and-”

“You’re fine, Junnie. We won’t ever do something you don’t want to. That includes telling people about our relationship.” Donghun pressed a kiss on his temple, “Don’t get stressed about it”

“I’ve only dated one guy before and he was really pushy about coming out and broke up with me because I wouldn’t. I don’t think it was fair to him to be with me if he wanted to be public but he knew when he started flirting I wasn’t out...we only dated for like a month and then he dumped me and told me that I probably wasn’t even gay and was just faking it”

“Sounds like he was an ass, you also don’t deserve to be forced to come out,” Donghun reached over cupping Junhee’s cheek. Junhee nestled his face into the palm nodding a little, Donghun smiled softly “Now let’s relax a little before we talk to the others, you don’t need to be stressed about this” Donghun pulled Junhee into his arms and kissed his temple. Junhee cuddled close, relaxing in his arms.

“You’re right, it’ll be okay… You’re here so everything will be okay” Junhee nestled his face into Donghun’s neck while they waited for the time for the call. Junhee felt calmer knowing Donghun was understanding of his nervousness, but he did feel bad about not being ready. Donghun started petting his hair making Junhee sigh contentedly. Donghun smiled softly and began singing, Junhee reconized it as one of the songs Donghun had been writing. Junhee closed his eyes listening to Donghun’s voice as he sang. Junhee almost fell asleep in his arms, but Donghun shook him and told him that it was almost time for the call, Junhee fixed him with a pouty glare but sat up more. Donghun kissed his cheek and smiled softly, Junhee grabbed his phone to make the call. Once everyone was on the call they chatted about what they had been up too and everyone scolded Junhee for not telling them he was going to be alone on Christmas. Donghun didn’t say anything about their relationship wanting to let Junhee be the one, and if he didn’t Donghun would be fine as long as Junhee was happy. Junhee finally took a breath and said “Umm, guys I have something to say,” Everyone stopped chatting and looked at Junhee “I...I’m gay”

“Oh? Okay! I’m glad you wanted to tell us! We love you don’t worry!” Byeongkwan smiled brightly

“That’s great! As long as you’re happy!” Yuchan cheered 

“We love you Junnie, and I’m happy you feel comfortable with us” Sehyoon smiled. Junhee’s face split into a wide smile, then he looked at Donghun, a slight nervousness in his eyes.

“We are dating, I mean we only started dating today but, we wanted you to know so we can be couply at home since we need to be private in public.” Donghun smiled softly meeting Junhee’s eyes. 

“Um… I don’t want anyone outside of A.C.E to know right now, I’m not ready to be fully out” Junhee looked back at the screen, his face red. Donghun nodded, the others agreed to not say anything. Yuchan was excited to know something secret and be trusted, informing Junhee he would be giving ‘the biggest hug ever’. They ended the call and Junhee cuddled into Donghun again, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being okay with just this” Junhee murmured into his chest. 

  
  


They had only been dating for 2 weeks when things changed, Junhee began to pull away from Donghun. Donghun would try to cuddle but Junhee would always have some reason they couldn’t. Junhee wasn’t wanting to kiss or really be near him. Another 2 weeks and it was getting worse, Junhee was avoiding him. Finally it was a day where they had alone time: Yuchan had schedule alone, Byeongkwan was at his family home and Sehyoon had gone out shopping so Donghun hoped his boyfriend would be more comfortable with them being alone. He waited for Junhee to get out of the shower. When he did he went straight to his room, Donghun followed him and knocked on the door, worried.

“Baby… Everyone is out, let's cuddle and watch a movie together” Donghun called. The door opened slowly to show Junhee dressed to go out, Donghun felt his heart break a little when he looked at him. He didn’t understand why Junhee didn’t want to be alone with him all of the sudden.

“I want to break up,” Junhee said, slowly, not meeting Donghun’s eyes. Donghun felt like he couldn’t breathe, he didn’t know what he had done wrong or how to fix it. He loved Junhee so much and he had been so happy when Junhee had confessed. 

“What? Why...wha-what did I do? I can change it! I can be less clingy if that is the problem or-”

“I want to break up,” Junhee finally looked up at him. His eyes were cold and his face was hard. “I was wrong, I don’t want to date you. So I want to break up”

“Oh...okay. I-I’m sorry…” Donghun turned away feeling the tears in his eyes. Donghun walked away quickly going to his and Sehyoon’s room. He heard the front door open and close shortly after and he started crying. He didn’t understand, Junhee had said he loved him. He had seemed happy for the first two weeks and now it was just over. Donghun laid in bed trying to figure out where it had gone wrong, or what he had done to ruin this.

Junhee told the others that they had broken up at dinner that night; Donghun kept quiet as the others asked a million questions as to why. Junhee told them it was mutual, that they had decided it would be too hard for them to be together. Donghun didn’t correct it, if Junhee didn’t want to tell the truth, Donghun wasn’t going to. No matter what their relationship was, Donghun only wanted to have Junhee be happy. Donghun ate quietly then went to wash his dishes before he went to his room saying he was tired. Not long after he laid in bed, Sehyoon came in, he sat looking at Donghun quietly. Donghun frowned and shifted a little feeling like Sehyoon was staring into his soul. 

“What really happened?” Sehyoon finally said sitting on his bed.

“We broke up. I-”

“You didn’t want to.” 

“What? I- No...I didn’t” Donghun sighed knowing Sehyon wouldn’t believe him “I love him... But he wanted to, he said he was wrong and he didn’t want to date me… But it’s fine, if he’s happy it’s fine”

“Dong-”

“I’m fine just being friends if it makes him happier. I love him but I can’t make him be with me.”

“It will be hard. You'll need to not change your cuddly, clingy self in public. The fans would notice, are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yes. I’ll be fine. For Junnie and Choice I’d do anything” 

“But your mental wellbeing also matters. It's important to take care of yourself. How about this, I’m the only one who knows so if you need to need to talk or just cry come to me and I’ll listen.”

“Yeah, that would help… I just-” Donghun paused feeling the tears return in his eyes “I don’t know what I did wrong… Everything was fine for two weeks then he started to pull away...then another two weeks and he ended it”

“He didn’t say anything?”

“He just said he didn’t really want to date me…” Donghun mumbled, looking at his hands “My Junnie… I wanted to date him so much… Why doesn’t he want to date me?”

“Donghun…”

“I just want to know what I need to do to be enough for him”

“Hun, no. Please, listen to yourself. You are enough, there’s no reason to think you aren’t. He just maybe needs to be by himself for a while. He just came out to us and maybe dating is too much.”

“He said he loved me… He even said it first, and I love him so much… Isn’t that enough?”

“Not always Dongdong.” Sehyoon pulled him into a hug. Donghun buried his face into his shoulder. Sehyoon stroked his hair sighing, “I’m sorry, I wish I could do more for you.”

  
  


Donghun didn’t think of himself as an amazing actor but he was doing great pretending everything was fine in front of Choice and the rest of A.C.E. He didn’t cry very often, which was surprising even to himself, but he did keep Sehyoon up often to talk. Mostly just sadly rambling about how sweet and perfect Junhee was and how much he loved him. Sehyoon was always there just listening and gently telling Donghun he should try to move on but never pushing it. Donghun didn’t want to move on and as months passed he was becoming more okay, things felt like how they had always been. Donghun could pretend that the month they dated was just a dream, even if he did still desperately want to grab Junhee’s cute little face and kiss him on the mouth every time he pouted. Junhee seemed to not have any hold ups on their brief dating which was hard on Donghun. The only thing that was noticeable was that any time Donghun and Sehyoon were being more cuddly or going off to talk, Junhee seemed irritated. Donghun didn’t understand why he seemed so mad whenever he talked to Sehyoon. 

  
  


The group had a night where they were out drinking in mid November and by the time they had gone home the youngest two pretty much immediately went to bed. Donghun was going to drag Sehyoon off to drunkly tell him (yet again) that he was in love with Junhee. However Junhee grabbed Donghun’s arm and yanked him away from Sehyoon, glaring at Sehyoon before dragging Donghun away. Donghun, being way too drunk to deal with this, just looked at Sehyoon confused as to what to do. Sehyoon only shrugged and shuffled off to their room, also too drunk to deal. Donghun sighed and just followed Junhee to Yuchan’s room, where Yuchan was not, Donghun’s drunken mind made the connection Yuchan and Byeongkwan probably went to the same room and passed out together as the pair were cuddly drunks. Donghun looked at Junhee tilting his head slightly. Junhee still looked mad then he grumbled and pulled Donghun closer and kissed him. Donghun almost melted but then he stopped himself and ever so gently he pushed Junhee back. Junhee got more upset at that and tried to push Donghun’s hands away so he could go back to kissing him but Donghun was stronger and able to hold him back. “Stop Junhee...you’re drunk…” Donghun mumbled, not able to keep the slight pain out of his voice, “You don’t want this…”

“Yes I do!” Junhee managed to push Donghun’s hands off his shoulders and moved closer. Donghun backed up until his back hit the wall panicking slightly, “And so do you. You love me! You keep clinging to Sehyoon to make me jealous, I know it! But you love me, you said so. So stop it!” Junhee tried to kiss him again but Donghun turned his face away. He was drunk but he wasn’t drunk enough to let this happen. He wouldn’t hold it against Junhee when they were sober, because Junhee was so clearly out of it drunk.

“Jun, listen-” Donghun didn’t get to finish before Junhee teared up and pressed his face into Donghun’s shoulder wrapping his arms around Donghun’s waist. Donghun felt him shake slightly then Junhee started crying. “Junhee?”

“You don’t love me anymore…”

“Jun… You broke it off. Why-”

“I didn’t want to!” Junhee pulled away from Donghun, angry tears rolling down his cheeks, “You weren’t supposed to stop loving me!” Donghun sighed heavily, he really was way too drunk to deal with this.

“Junhee, you need to sleep. You don’t know what you're saying and you don’t mean what you’re saying. You don’t want to date me and you-” Donghun was cut off by Junhee slapping him across the face, hard. Donghun eyes widened as the pain spread across his face he looked at Junhee in disbelief over what he had just done. “Park Junhee. What the fuck what that for?!” Donghun growled out pissed. Junhee shoved past him going out of the room.

“I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. You’re a dick.” Junhee mumbled, his voice shaking slightly.

“Big talk from the guy who just slapped me”

“Fuck you.”

“Go fuck yourself, Junhee” Donghun glared as Junhee went to the bathroom, then went to his and Sehyoon’s room. Sehyoon was already passed out so Donghun just got in his bed and put his pillow over his face groaning. Faintly he heard the sound of Junhee puking, he almost went to go check but he heard a door open and one of the maknaes shuffling to the bathroom so he just rolled onto his side and went to sleep. His dreams betrayed him because as mad as he wanted to pretend he was, he still dreamed about being with Junhee and Junhee loving him again. He dreamed of them celebrating their 1 year anniversary, taking him out to his favorite restaurant in a world where they would be allowed to be public and Junhee had wanted to be, kissing his fingers as they held hands. Junhee telling him about how much he loved him and how happy he was that they were together. When Donghun woke up in the early morning his pillow was damp and he was still crying, because even being asleep he knew it hadn’t been real and Junhee didn’t love him. Donghun wanted to stay in bed all day and not do anything but he needed to take care of the members. So he stood up and went to the kitchen. The first step was going to bring everyone water and medicine for their headaches then he would go to make breakfast. Sehyoon had somehow managed to strip completely naked in his sleep, Donghun was used to this as he set the water and medicine down, opting to try to not wake anyone up until breakfast was done. Next he went to what was technically Byeongkwan and Junhee’s room but in there he found those two, with Yuchan, in Junhee’s bed. How they all three had managed to fit and be comfortable enough to sleep was beyond Donghun as he set the waters and medicine down and headed out of the room shaking his head slightly, of course this probably meant Byeongkwan and Yuchan would be mad at him when they woke up. Donghun didn’t give it much thought as he went to go start cooking. He was about half way done when a door opened and someone came shuffling into the kitchen, “Hey food will be done soon, did you take the medicine and drink some water?”

“Hyung…” Junhee’s voice made Donghun stiffen slightly “About last night…”

“What happened last night?” Donghun feigned he couldn’t remember “My face hurts… Did I get into a fight?” He turned to look at Junhee, who seemed to be having an internal debate. Donghun honestly expected him to lie.

“No...I slapped you…” Junhee said slowly “I was drunk and upset and… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“Why were you upset?”

“I… Don’t remember. I just remember slapping you…”

“Well it’s fine don’t worry about it okay? It’s sore but not bruised so it’s fine. Can you go get the others up?" 

“Yeah… Yeah, I can do that… Um I am still sorry for hitting you…”

“Don’t be. It’s fine, I’m not upset. I could never be upset with you, my little leader nim. Besides you were drunk you didn’t mean anything you did last night probably.”

“Uh… Yeah, guess not… I’ll go get the others up.” Junhee walked away. Donghun frowned, Junhee definitely remembered the night before but he was also hiding that he did. Byeongkwan and Yuchan came shuffling into the living room sleepy and holding hands, Donghun smiled at the two as they flopped on the couch together. Donghun brought out food to the living room, setting it down on the table. 

“Junnie hyung threw up on me last night, and cried” Byeongkwan mumbled “I had to take a shower but it’s okay cause we cuddled him to make him feel better.”

“Well that was nice of you,” Donghun ruffled his hair “Sorry you got puked on Kwannie.” Byeongkwan waved his hand and sat up more from where he was leaning on Yuchan. Yuchan had already dozed back off. Junhee came back into the living room and sat down, quietly getting his phone.

“Did you get Sehni up?” Donghun asked, looking over. Junhee stiffened a little then sunk more into the cushions of the chair he had sat on.

“He… He’s getting dressed. He will be out in a minute.”

“Oh? Alright. You okay?”

“I’m fine…” Junhee mumbled “Can we eat already?”

“We should wait for Sehni hyung” Byeongkwan was shaking Yuchan as he spoke “Channie wake up it’s almost time to eat”

“Noooo tired”

“We can sleep more after we eat” 

“I’m not hungry,” Yuchan tried but his stomach growled, making both Donghun and Byeongkwan laugh. Junhee just kept scrolling on his phone, Sehyoon came out in sweat pants and a t- shirt and put a hand on Donghun’s shoulder.

“Hey do you know where I put my pants last night? My wallet is in them and I don’t remember.” Sehyoon asked 

“I don’t know, you already were pantless when I came to bed so no clue but I will help you look” 

“Can we eat already?” Junhee huffed, Donghun looked at him confused but nodded and gestured to the food. Junhee grabbed himself a bowl and started getting stuff to eat. Donghun waved everyone else forward watching Junhee confused. Junhee was acting so weird but Donghun wasn’t sure it was his place to even ask him, they weren’t together they barely acted like friends anymore. Although a small part of him kept saying that Junhee was jealous and that he clearly still wanted Donghun. Donghun kept that part of him under control as much as possible watching Junhee curiously while he ate. Junhee finished his food then stood and went to the kitchen. Donghun sighed and got up to follow him deciding he should at least make sure he’s okay.

“Jun-ah” Donghun called softly as he entered the kitchen. However his next words got stuck in his throat as he saw Junhee quietly crying at the sink. Junhee tried to turn his face away, but Donghun was already going to him “Jun what’s wrong??”

“Nothing. Just go eat…” 

“Junhee, you're crying. What’s going on? You have been acting weird all morning” 

“Just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.” Junhee finished his dishes then turned to walk away. Donghun sighed and reached out grabbing his wrist to stop him.

“You don’t have to talk to me, but something is wrong and you should talk to someone… I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to upset you. I didn’t mean to…”

“I’m not…” Junhee sighed then rubbed his other hand over his face “I’m fine, just tired”

“Okay, go rest then. I can take care of anything the group needs today… Shopping I know, send me a message of anything else you needed to do today and I’ll do it” 

“You don’t have to take care of me.” Junhee looked away “I can take care of stuff I just need a nap”

“Please, I want to help. I know you…” Donghun paused picking his next words carefully, not wanting to cross any lines “I know you need rest and as the eldest I want to help, you can rely on others in the group Jun.”

“As the eldest…” Junhee mumbled then sighed “Fine I’ll message you. It’s not a lot. I’m going back to bed.” Junhee left the kitchen quickly, Donghun sighed and went to get a shower deciding he would go to the store right away. Junhee sent him a message with a few things he needed to get done while he was in the shower. Donghun sent a response that he would get them done once he got out. 

  
  


Donghun noticed more and more as the month passed how weird Junhee would act around him. However it was once again time for the Christmas craze, this year everyone was heading early except Junhee and Donghun. Donghun was nervous to be alone with Junhee for 2 days then driving Junhee to his family home. They had just dropped everyone off at their respective places; Byeongkwan at his home, Yuchan at the airport, and Sehyoon at the train station. Junhee was quiet as they drove back to the dorm, Donghun hated awkward silence so he decided to try to start a conversation “So uh, what should we have for dinner?”

“It is almost what would have been our one year anniversary…” Junhee said quietly, either too lost in thought to have heard what Donghun said or was just ignoring him. So much for not being awkward. 

“Yeah… I guess it would have been but-”

“When is yours and Sehyoon hyungs?”

“What?”

“Your anniversary?”

“We aren’t dating??” Donghun was thankful to hit a red light so he could look at Junhee who seemed confused then frowned 

“Are you just… friends with-”

“No! I’m not sleeping with him either! What gave you that idea?!” Donghun started driving again.

“You are always going off to be alone with him and… I mean he thought you would know where his pants were after I went to get him up after we all got drunk and he was naked…”

“We share a room, Junhee. He probably just thought I had seen them.” Donghun parked outside their dorm, finally able to actually look at Junhee. Junhee, who had a weird look on his face as he was thinking.

“So...you aren’t dating anyone?” 

“No?”

“Okay… okay um...let’s go inside.” Junhee got out and headed in. Donghun sat in the car thinking for a minute then he went inside to where Junhee had already started cooking. Donghun watched him then he decided he would ask the question that had been burning inside him for almost a year.

“Jun… When we broke up,” Donghun began noticing the way Junhee seemed to stiffen when it was brought up. “What did I do wrong? I thought things were going well… I know a month isn’t long enough to tell but… Sehni and I were going off because I wanted to talk about it, he realized I… well I didn’t want to break up and he said you ended it because you weren’t ready to be in a relationship after coming out but I tried to make you feel comfortable, I didn’t need us to be public or to tell anyone I just...wanted to be with you… I just want to know how I messed up?” Junhee had been standing very still then he spoke, so quietly Donghun almost didn’t hear him.

“You...you think you did something _wrong_? You blamed yourself, this whole time?” 

“I… yes?” Donghun watched as Junhee moved the pan off the oven, probably so the food would burn, then turn to face him. His expression was a mix of confusion and sadness. 

“Why on earth would you blame yourself? You…” Junhee paused then sighed and looked down at his feet. “You are amazing, and sweet… You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who would be public so you could tell your parents…”

“I told you, I didn’t need that”

“But you want it! I heard you talking to your mom on New Year's Day!” Junhee teared up, Donghun’s confusion must have shown on his face because Junhee clarified “You said you would tell her if you were dating anyone and then you laughed and said ‘My last boyfriend doesn’t count we dated for like 2 weeks’.”

“Okay? But I don’t need to be public I-”

“You want to tell your family and you are out to them… and… I’m not” Junhee rubbed his eyes “I-”

“Did you only break up with me because you weren’t out to your family?” Donghun stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest. Junhee nodded a little “So...does that mean… Do you still- um love me? Like your feelings didn’t change? You just thought I wanted to be with someone I could be public with but you...love me?”

“I… yes…” Junhee mumbled, he still wouldn’t look at Donghun. Donghun almost wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Instead he moved closer, not really sure what he wanted to do, other than be close to Junhee.

“I still love you, Junhee. I don’t need to be public. I only said that to my mom because I knew if I told her I was dating you she would tell your dad, she would be understanding if I told her later and that you weren’t ready to be out. I just… I wanted you, I wanted to hold you and date you and kiss you.”

“I… Donghun…” Junhee looked up at him then shook his head. “I want that too… But not till I’ve told my family… But I don’t want be the reason you don’t date anyone because I don’t know if I ever will and-”

“I love you. I can wait… Just knowing you love me is enough. I don’t want to date anyone else.” Donghun looked at him, eyes searching his face then he carefully asked “But… Can I kiss you? I just really want to kiss you at least one more time...please?”

“Yeah...yes I also...would want to kiss” Junhee stammered. Donghun chuckled softly seeing Junhee being so flustered. Donghun cupped his cheek and leaned down to press a soft kiss on his lips, he didn’t really want the kiss to be more than a soft peck but Junhee reacted more intensely as soon as Donghun’s lips touched his. Junhee arms went around Donghuns waist pressing himself closer and pressing his lips more frimly against Donghun’s. Donghun tried to pull back for a second but Junhee almost immediately started whining and Donghun was weak so he leaned back in and kissed Junhee again backing him into the counter, making sure to keep away from the stove. Junhee moved his hands from Donghun’s waist to his hair, tangling his fingers in it to drag Donghun closer. Donghun nipped lightly at Junhee’s bottom lip, Junhee responded by parting his lips and flicking his tongue out, licking Donghun’s bottom lip. Donghun pulled back just long enough to lift Junhee onto the counter, then went back to kissing him sliping is tongue into Junhee's mouth. Junhee made a small noise of satisfaction as Donghun’s tongue explored his mouth, Donghun let the kiss go on until he felt like they were getting too hot and heavy for it to just stay kissing, especially with the tight feeling in his pants. Junhee seemed very upset with the kissing stopped “Hyung, why’d you stop? I want more…”

“Not right now baby,” Donghun gave him another soft kiss, “I am gonna take a shower, then we can eat together okay?” Junhee pouted but nodded hopping off the counter when Donghun stepped back. Donghun went to the bathroom and took a few minutes to try and calm himself down before he got into a very cold shower, by the time he had finished and gotten dressed into some warm pjs Junhee was already done cooking. Junhee was sitting in the living room seemingly deep in thought as Donghun sat next to him. Junhee gestured to the food and Donghun decided to just let him think about whatever he was stuck on and ate some, everyone couple bites he’d feed one to Junhee who was still thinking about something. Finally he nodded to himself, and leaned forward to get his food, Donghun smiled softly watching him. 

“You are staring, stop” Junhee whined his face turned red

“You are so pretty,” Donghun smiled “I like looking at you, especially when you are blushing.”

“Donghun stop it,” Junhee whined, hiding his face in Donghun’s neck. Donghun ran his fingers through his hair.

  
  


The two days passed by very quickly, the pair ended up sharing kisses at any available time. There weren’t any more intense make out sessions like the first one but some kisses were more drawn out. Donghun liked being able to kiss Junhee but he did want more than just kisses, still Junhee wanted to wait until he was comfortable coming out to his family to date, so Donghun would settle for kissing him. Donghun didn’t want them to go to their families because he wanted to keep him to himself in their dorm kissing him all the time but of course they had to go and Donghun got the car loaded, went in to get Junhee and gave him a quick peck on the lips then they headed out. The drive was long but it was nice having just his beautiful Junhee for the ride. They left their dorm at 8am and arrived to Junhee’s family home by noon, Donghun was invited to stay for lunch, seeing as he had another at least 3 hour drive but given stopping for breaks and traffic it could be close to 4, Donghun glanced at Junhee to see if he was comfortable. Junhee was giving him a puppy eyed look and tugged on his arm to get him out of the car begging him to stay for lunch. Donghun sent a message to his mom to make sure it would be fine, which it was so he got out. Junhee smiled at him brightly and held his hand then pulled him into the house re introducing Donghun to his dogs and then dragging Donghun up to see his room after saying hi to his sisters barely giving Donghun time to give a polite greeting. Once they were in his room Junhee shut the door and flopped on his bed sighing happily. Donghun sat by him and chuckled softly looking at him lovingly. Junhee reached up to pull him down to cuddle, Donghun got comfy holding Junhee on his chest and petting his hair, part of him was nervous that Junhee’s dad would catch them and Junhee would freak out but cuddling was normal, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Except that Junhee, seemingly forgetting where they were, leaned up and kissed Donghun, and right as he did the door opened as his dad came in to tell them food was ready. Junhee pulled away from Donghun as fast as possible but his dad had seen, the silence was deafening so Donghun just stood up and laughed a little trying to make it seem like a joke.

“Junhee, I don’t think that prank went over too well…” he rubbed his neck glancing at Junhee whose eyes were flickering between their two faces. The fear in his eyes killed Donghun inside so he added, “I should probably go, I’ve made things awkward.” He started to walk to the door, Junhee’s dad moved to one side confused looking from Donghun to Junhee.

“Don’t go,” Junhee’s voice called “Stay for lunch it’s...it’s not awkward.” Donghun only shook his head and left the room. It had been a mistake to agree to stay in the first place, he bowed politely and apologized for having to leave, however he hadn’t even made it to his car before Junhee came tearing out of the house and grabbed his arm.

“Jun, I need to go.”

“Hyung please I’m sorry don’t leave” Junhee hugged him “You should eat. Please… You can leave after that…”

“Junhee.” Donghun pulled his arms off him then looked at him then glanced to make sure no one was near them “I love you, which is why I am leaving. I’m not upset or anything, I just don’t want you to be in a situation you don’t want to be in. I will-”

“I was going to tell them after Chirstmas…” Junhee said looking up at Donghun “But now I-I want you to be here when I do… Having you here I’ll be okay…” Junhee held Donghun’s hand, Donghun would have called him out for lying but Junhee had the same look he had when he was practicing something difficult. Junhee was determined and while obviously nervous, Donghun knew his mind was made up. Still he wanted to make sure.

“Jun-ah, they might not take it well and it could make things awkward for the rest of your stay or they could kick you out. My family would be happy to have you but I know how much you love your family.”

“I need to be out… I want to be. They won't… My family won’t disown me…”

“If you are a hundred precent sure I will stay.” Donghun looked at Junhee who nodded and pulled him back inside. “Donghun hyung is staying. Um but before we eat I have something I want to tell everyone.” 

“What is it?” Junhee’s mom looked at him, worried. Donghun was nervous, more nervous even than when he had come out to his own family. Junhee’s dad looked like he already knew, which to be fair he probably did but he didn’t say anything. His sisters looked at them as well.

“I,” Junhee took a deep breath, his hand reaching for Donghun’s, Donghun caught it and gave it a comforting squeeze. “I’m gay.”

“Oh...are you…” his mom paused glancing at her husband.

“Are you two dating?” His dad asked, eyeing Donghun.

“We dated for like a month last year but I ended things because I didn’t think it was fair to date him when he was out and I wasn’t…” Junhee answered seeming nervous

“Are you going to date again?” 

“I mean...probably? We both still have feelings for each other and-”

“The same rules for your sister's boyfriends apply to him. If he hurts you I will kill him.” Junhee’s dad interrupted 

“You don’t hate me?” Junhee looked at everyone, tears building in his eyes, Donghun smiled softly watching him. 

“Of course not Junnie!” his mom quickly went to him and hugged him, followed closely by his sisters. Donghun tried to step back but was quickly pulled into the hug.

“If you hurt him I will help dad and make sure they never find your body” Junhee’s eldest sister whispered into Donghun’s ear. Donghun laughed, watery as he felt himself tearing up. Junhee’s family accepting him was great, but he was weirdly happy to have his life threatened even if they weren’t officially dating. Donghun managed to find Junhee’s waist and moved himself closer to him pressing his face into his neck to hide his tears.

“Hyung you are such a cry baby,” Junhee mumbled, feeling Donghun’s tears on his shoulder, but his own tears were evident in his voice. Donghun chuckled and nuzzled his face into his neck. 

“Let’s eat, Donghun needs to leave soon so it’s not super dark by the time he gets home” Junhee’s dad called and the group hug mostly broke apart leaving Junhee and Donghun hugging each other. 

“What if I don’t let you go?” Junhee mumbled “You could just stay with me…”

“I have to go, but I can pick you up to bring you home” 

“Donghun it is ridiculous enough you drove me to Suncheon when Gyeonggi-do is only like 30 minutes from home. And this was almost a four hour drive.”

“Not my fault you forgot to get a train ticket TO Suncheon. Someone had to take you and I like being with you” Donghun chuckled 

“I have a ticket home, pick me up from the station?” 

“Of course” Donghun ruffled his hair then they went to eat with his family. Once they finished Donghun went out to the car followed closely by Junhee, “What are you doing, baby?” 

“I want a goodbye kiss,” Junhee pouted, crossing his arms. Donghun laughed lightly and pulled Junhee to him and kissed him gently.

“I will see you in 5 days right?” Donghun asked. Junhee nods.

“I get home on the 27th”

“Alright I’ll pick you up then”

  
  


Christmas day was as always hectic, but this time Donghun’s family now demanding answers about his relationship with Junhee as he had told them on Chirstmas eve about them dating for a month, breaking up and then Junhee coming out and how they were now in a weird limbo of kind of dating but not really but kissing a lot. Donghun kept telling them he didn’t know much but he planned to ask Junhee out again when they saw each other next. However his phone ringing made him shush them and look to see Junhee was video calling. Donghun quickly ran to his room and shut the door, locking it before sitting on his bed to answer. Junhee started by asking if his Christmas was going well, which it was and Donghun asked Junhee the same. Junhee nodded then smiled widely and said he had a very important thing to ask Donghun. Donghun was suspicious of the smile but prompted Junhee to keep talking. Junhee giggled then started to ask Donghun something when a door opened in Junhee’s room and one of his sisters started asking Junhee a bunch of questions Donghun couldn’t hear because of Junhee using headphones. Then Junhee started pouting until Donghun assumed she left, finally Junhee looked at his phone and asked if Donghun wanted to start dating again. Which of course Donghun did, then Junhee cheered and started laughing, which almost made Donghun worried it had been a joke but Junhee’s excited cheer of ‘Now our anniversary is Chirstmas day I win!’ made him smile softly calling the younger boy an idiot. Donghun was so happy throught the rest of the call but once it ended his nerves set in; of how the members would take it, if it would last this time, how it would go in general. Still he went out to shyly tell his family that Junhee had called to ask him out so they were dating again. 

Donghun overslept on the day he was supposed to pick up Junhee so he left his bags and drove to the station Junhee was going to since it was only fifteen minutes from his family home he would just drive back to get them after he got Junhee. When he arrived at the station he texted Junhee who told him he was getting his bags and would be out soon. Donghun stood by the car to wait, he had to resist the urge to run over and pull Junhee into a kiss as soon as he saw him smiling and waving, he settled for a hug. Junhee went to load his bags and looked at Donghun questioningly, seeing his bags were the only ones in the car so Donghun had to explain that he had overslept. Junhee just laughed lightly and nodded as Donghun explained they would have to go back to his parents house so he could pack and then he would take them home. Donghun drove them back to his families home listening to Junhee talk about his time with his family and asking about his time with his own family. Donghun parked outside his parents home giving Junhee a warning his family would probably be very interested in their new relationship, Junhee just smiled softly and leaned over to press a kiss on his cheek before getting out and heading in. Donghun’s mother met Junhee at the door and pulled him into a hug cooing over him. Donghun chuckled going in, squeezing around them. Junhee was excitedly talking to mom while Donghun packed his bags up. He was almost done when Junhee came into his room and pulled him away from his bag, “Hyungie you haven’t given me a single kiss since we have been together.”

“We can’t kiss in public and you have been hanging out with my mom so I couldn’t kiss you till now” Donghun smiled softly, pulling Junhee closer to him before leaning down to capture Junhee’s lip into a soft kiss. They didn’t get long before the door opened and Donghun’s brother walked in.

“Mom wants to know if you are gonna stay for lunch since your here now or if you are just heading home”

“We can stay for lunch, can you like… knock?”

“Nope my right as your hyung to be annoying and not give you alone time with your boyfriend”

“You are the worst”

  
  


By the time all the members were back home Junhee had a plan to tell them that he was once again dating Donghun. Donghun was slightly nervous because once again dating after a year might not go over that well. Junhee just sat everyone down and explained everything; how he had lied about the break up being mutual, why he had ended it, what led to him deciding to come out to his family and them finally getting back together. The members were shocked but not upset, so Donghun took that as a good sign. Donghun loved Junhee so much and he was so happy to be with him for as long as Junhee would have him, which he hoped to be forever. That would be his Christmas wish every year was to have Junhee be with him for the whole next year. 


End file.
